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THIS PAGE IS UNDER CONSTRUCTION
Journal Entry #3
March 5rd, 2025 - 8:10 PM
Keeping this journal up to date every day is hard. As you can see I already missed a day. I made a minor change to the website as I have learned how to do borders now around text and am learning more about the style sheets. I might scratch everything and try again soon as right now it's a bit hard to make things work how I want since I have spaghetti code. Yesturday I selpt all day and woke up at 8pm. I'm not sure why I am so tired all the time and then end up staying up all day. I played more of my Sonic game and finally got my fast friends grinded out so now it's just a matter of selling them. I'm debating selling my good skins for an android Shadow gold as well. If anyone offers me I think I will take it. I have discovered a new way to AFK the shop using my controller. I just have to rest the stick against something and it keeps me walking and logged in. I might do that and take a nap soon as I have been up all night again. The HTML learning is slow gowing but I'm starting to understand it. I just gotta take it one step at a time. I also have to make sure to get my school work done soon, I have wasted enough time playing games. I want to catch up so then I don't have to worry. I really should do that soon. A short but sweet update. I'm still looking forwards to figuring out how to make a gallery for my stuff on here. As for now I think I will go take that nap and then when I wake up get straight into my school work.
Journal Entry #2
March 3rd, 2025 - 8:10 PM
Oh boy, what a day. After work yesturday I came home and crashed. I was just so eepy. Luckily since we had a new guy training everything was done and my boss let me go home an hour early. I didn't have to overwork myself and so my pain is miminal today. Slept in til Noon, but am still eepy. I am god's eepist soldier. I checked in with my school work and I only have a handful of assignments that have to be done but school actually gave us a "reading break" which is a week where nothing's due so I have this whole week to relax and unwind and catch up. I took today to just do my personal stuff and tomorrow I will do school work. I might update this site later if I feel like I have the energy to read the HTML and CSS tutorials. The main thing is I am focused on Sonic Speed Simulator today. They updated with the next Fast Pass for season 6 and released two cool skins, fortune Amy and Warlock Shadow. They got my money again. I'm also trying to level up the fast friends because Summer Sonic was back in the shop again and at 6 stars he is a solid way to make money. I have been trying to get all the skins in the game and I'm really only missing 3. I need Gold Metal Sonic, but I'm not in a rush to get that. My main focus is Android Shadow Gold, which is the 2nd most expensive and rarest skin in the game. Everytime I see someone with it, he's not for trade. My account has the value for him but I guess I wouldn't trade him either if I had the crown jewels. My gameplan is to just slowly work my way up now in RSR and sell off stuff and flip skins on the market. Easier said than done as I need to AFK the market. But slowly I am making progress. I sold 200k worth of stuff today, so even though the skins are overpriced the kiddies don't know that and my stuff will sell eventually so that's good. Also at this rate, I can keep my copy of every skin and sell duplicates and still get my Shadow skin. The last skin in the game is the Gold style Knuckles but that's a stretch goal once I get Shadow. I might have to overpay heavily for Shadow because no one seems interested in trading him for his value. What I am seeing is idiots flaunting him and putting him up for the market max value of 10m RSR. Well guess what buddy? I'll buy. You won't be laughing when I take that off your hands for 10m RSR. Right now I'm at 1.5m. I'll get there. I do want to get this HTML figured out and fix up my site with a navigation bar and such so I can create some pages. I want to make a separate page for these journal entries, and then some pages for posting my work like art and photos. I just emptied my SD card from my camera today and there's a lot of things I want totake pictures of when the snow melts. Also, looking back, my depression was really showing yesturday with my more personal notes/rants in my journal. While it's nice to scream into the void like this, I may have to remove/reconsider some of these journal entries and how personal I get with them if I plan on using this to host my content and share stuff that may be shown to friends, family, or professionals. We will see how it goes. Since it's reading week, I might try to take a crack at my books again and maybe finish the original Dracula. I'm enjoying reading the classics and look forwawrd to buying more of the box set from my local book store. I got some more H.P. Lovecraft to read, which are really good despite his racism, and I also am looking forwards to tackling the original Sherlock Holmes stories too. Anyway this is all for now, can't wait to figure out how to make a propper live journal section so I can stop posting everything in the HTML like this. I miss my spell checker.
Journal Entry #1
March 2nd, 2025 - 4:15 AM
I am excited to make my own website. This is going to be a tough task to acomplish but I am determined to get it done. I love the vibes already, it gives me a feeling of freedom that I think I missed out on as a kid. I feel like I'm on the dark web, without the danger of the dark web. Very liminal to say the least. I hope I can keep this updated with daily journal entries to keep track of my progress of making this website. My birthday is coming up soon, March 11th. Mom is going to take me and my IRL friends to dinner again like we did last year, then we will go out again with my dad another time. I am looking forward to it, but also wonder if my online friends will remember it this time around. I share a birthday with a mutual friend who lives in their state, so they ended up spending the day with her instead which is understandable. I just have issues because I'm a bit fucked up but it sucked them not mentioning it to me until I said it myself it was my birthday. Due to my BPD, I can't help but get overly attatched and feel replaced or negelcted when these things happen, but the rational side of me knows that is toxic behavior and I shouldn't act or feel that way. It's hard not to though, which is the problem. I wish there was more support for BPD than what we have, most if it is for "victims" looking for support, and often the answer is just to cut the toxic people out of your life... Yeah, my feelings don't matter because I have BPD therefore I am a bad person. It really fucking sucks, basically you have to suck it up and know you're awful and put on this facade of normal to keep friends and the minute you voice opinions about anything that bothers you, you are being controlling, manipulative, etc. I hate it, and it's been real bad lately. I've been crashing out for real. I'm behind on schoolwork, and workwork is giving me problems with my physical health. I never learn though and here I am wasting more time on a dumb side project because I wanted to make a cool 2000's themed website and be grunge and indie. Hopefully I will at least stick with this project and not abandon it like I do the others. I have so many unfinished projects, I wish I could just finish one, and be proud of it for once. I doubt I'll even be able to make much with school once I'm done it. Even now I'm keeping myself up late when I have work tomorrow agian because I just get so hyperfocused on useless things, but at least I am teaching myself HTML and CSS I guess. Maybe I'll get into javascrpiting and it will carry over to my knowlage of video games and I'll maybe make something cool. I'm not asking for much, I just want to make something niche people will like, something I can use to make this site useful. I just like fostering communites and being a role model for people. I would like to be an influencer if I could ever manage it. I'm very social online for someone who's got little to no friends offline. I just like feeling needed and important and liked. Every time I keep getting a small following though I always end up dropping the ball like an idiot and watching my life crash down around me, so maybe it's for the best I die alone. Maybe these journal entries are just what I need. Somewhere to scream into the void, and keep all my thoughts in one place. I do have plans for this website so maybe I'll remove these more personal journal entries when I go public with the site, who knows. EDIT: 5:31 AM I didn't go to bed but I figured some stuff out! I can work with this for now! I gotta figure out how to make actual web pages but this works for journal entries so far! Gonna go pass out now. Is anyone even still reading this? How did you get here? Here, look down for a second.
